It’s official, I stood naked in front of the mirror this morning and when I tightened my mid-section and turned to the side, I noticed my belly has shrunk from the last four weeks of hard work and discipline. Now, like a ‘normal’ female body figure, my breasts are what I need to ‘see over’ instead of my belly. Go me! Right? Wrong.
It’s usually about right now, the 4-6 week mark, that I begin to self destruct. It’s like the fat skeleton in the closet that secretly controls nearly every aspect of my life starts whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Then, all it takes is something going wrong in my life like an unexpected bill, a conflict with a friend, or a family crisis, and BLAM!….I’m back to emotional eating, spiraling down the rabbit hole.
The truth is, I’m NOT the only woman who does this, despite the lonely feeling. In fact, while coming out about this to a few friends this month, one told me she secretly eats a whole bag of cookies when depressed and the other, a whole canister of Duncan Hines frosting. The frosting made me laugh and feel a little bit better about that bag of Reeses Peanut Butter Cup minis that lured me about a month ago in a fit of depression. It was shortly after THAT consumption when I mustered enough discipline and perseverance to start my weight loss process all over again.
You see, being a licensed massage therapist in the health and wellness industry, I’ve always had a huge sense of guilt about my own health choices and habits. Talking to clients about ways to help our bodies heal themselves through proper care and maintenance seems ridiculous when I can’t control it myself. Do as I say, not as I do, right? Any physician, personal trainer or nutritionist will tell you that the majority of low back pain stems from excess belly fat. Hell, I know that. In fact, just last night I was noticing the absence of back pain while leaning over the massage table working on a client after my recent weight loss.
So, if I feel better and look better, why is it so hard to keep up the good work to actually reach my health goals? Well, if I really listen to the little voice in my head when I’m seeing the body changes in the mirror, it says, “That’s not you. You’re not a thin person, you never have been.”
What I’ve realized most about this time on the roller coaster ride is that my mind needs just as much or MORE exercise than my body. I’ve also learned that it’s time I share this experience with others instead of trying to hide my challenges much like an alcoholic will stash that bottle of vodka in the drawer. Many people don’t realize that food addiction isn’t that different than other addictions. The struggles are the same, the excuses are the same and so are some of the underlying issues. I know this because I’ve watched it in my family for years.
So, I suppose I’m taking the first step in admitting I have a problem and am now collaborating with my support team to get OFF track from this 25 year roller coaster ride. Thank you, Michelle West and Michelle Porter, for encouraging me to begin writing about my personal journey so my words can hopefully breathe fresh air and inspiration to others stuck on this same dreadful ride.
Bottom line, I’m just like any other middle-aged housewife and mother juggling work and home responsibilities. But today, I’m 13 pounds lighter and have a sense of hope that I’ll surpass this 4-6 week mark this time and keep striving to shed the remaining 37. Look for more writings from me as I begin to discuss my experiences through this blog. I’ll be sharing about my ups and downs, the places I find inner and physical strength, the healthy foods that bring me joy, and the random things that bring me true happiness.
Thanks for reading.
September 16, 2011
Well said, Christy! Thanks for sharing a piece of your soul with others. I can totally relate. So many of us face the same issues. I am trying to get off the rollercoaster myself!
September 18, 2011
It is like some dirty little secret that so many of us keep. Being brought up and raised in the American idea of what is beautiful, keeps many of us off balance and always looking for something more. You know to the rest of folks I probably appear fairly lean and in shape, but it has taken me years not to obsess, and even still, I struggle against the inner critic that wants to beat me down. Thank you for sharing. Remember too, that beauty is only skin deep, but the light of a beautiful soul shines forever.
September 18, 2011
Thank you so much for your comments, ladies. Very insightful, Kim, and so true. Part of my mental exercise IS truly accepting myself, mentally and physically, as-is. And surprisingly, this is proving to be one of my toughest challenges! 😉
September 20, 2011
I am so proud of you! Food is the hardest thing for everyone I’ve ever worked with. And you’re right, it is different because you can’t give it up! You must have food so how do you balance that and form I healthy relationship with it? Good for you and thank you for sharing!
September 21, 2011
Beautifully written! You never fail to inspire me, my friend. Thanks for being such so genuine and willing to share. Can totally relate.
September 22, 2011
Thank you for reading, Kathy! That means a lot. I’m hoping to get my next posts made by the end of this weekend. 😉
September 26, 2011
Wow, Christy, thank you for sharing. It’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind, but we use that to our detriment. I know it is my best interest to change my mind positively… to retrain and renew it to work FOR me, not against me. I want off the coaster, too!
September 26, 2011
You’re so welcome, Bonnie. I hesitated for almost a year to share these inner thoughts. My justification was if I could touch just one person’s life with discussion of my own inner struggles, it’s well worth it. So, thank YOU for sharing, too. I’ll be attending a ‘Real Women, Real Fitness’ meetup tomorrow evening with Pamela of Thrive Personal Fitness at 6:30pm. You’re welcome to join us if you don’t already know about it! Have a beautiful day.
September 26, 2011
This is so very on the mark. I love and hate food and have issues with self-image for years. You inspire me to continue to be genuine.
September 27, 2011
P.S. As I was getting in the shower this morning I checked and your self-portrait is EXACTLY identical to mine. I could superimpose it and nobody would know.
September 27, 2011
So proud of you for your commitment to working through (what we call in the fitness world) the first plateau. You are doing great!! What I am most proud of is your honesty to put out to the world what most people cannot even say to themselves!! ROCK ON my favorite bearded lady!! I love ya!! Even though we are miles apart I read about you and still feel connected!! We must get together and share a beer and burger, well drink a beer and share the burger! Hey we can indulge in small doses, right????
September 29, 2011
Wow, Angela! That’s incredible! Thank you for your thoughts. See…we truly are NOT alone! 😉
Laura, thank you for your positive words! Love the idea of sharing a burger and having a beer! Call me anytime; glad to hear from you! And, yes….everything is acceptable in moderation! 😉