Looking forward to them walking in the door, even tired and grumpy after work. Knowing what they’ve had to eat, if they’ve eaten, and who they are hanging around with. Seeing their car in the driveway when you wake up, knowing they are safe and sound. Having friends in your community say, “I saw your daughter today and she helped me or she made the best sandwich for me or she has the best smile!”

My life took a drastic turn on Sunday, July 30. It was the day I realized that while I’ve thought I’ve been present and aware and responding to my intuition as a mother, I was distracted, unaware and not following it. And, now, Kevin’s words ring even louder. I attended a meditation with a Zen Buddhist Monk from Toms River, New Jersey earlier October 2023 and one of the questions he raised was ‘what is the biggest problem with our people today?’ and after some of us offered our best guesses, he pointed out that OVERSTIMULATION is the problem. And, I couldn’t agree more.

There’s never a good day to find out your one and only child has been hiding a Fentanyl problem right above you, in your same house. But, when you do….everyone in the family’s life changes forever.

Today, as I write this, I’m one-week post-return from visiting her during Christmas and New Years. My journey there was supposed to be until January 15, but was cut short due to some crazy circumstances. Regardless, everything happens exactly as it’s supposed to and we had the best visit by the Jersey shore. Enjoying time on the beach, games, popcorn and movies, and she even sent me home with some beautiful henna art on my arm.

I’m so very proud of her and the sober life she is making for herself over 1100 miles away. I look up to her as she is doing, day-by-day now for well over four months, what many of us struggle with: facing feelings and not distracting ourselves with substances to process them.

So much change.

Looking back over the last week since my return, it has been full of change. Returning to an empty house, well…aside from Booter, her dog and the two cats, seemed extra quiet this time. Maybe it’s the cold and dark of winter I’m feeling. But, it could also be that I’m relocating my business practice after having been at the same location for over five years and managing some grief from the loss of someone last New Year’s Eve. Thanks Facebook memories, it’s been front and center. My body, most likely feeling the stress of everything, is giving me the big white flag of surrender to depression, anxiety and peri-menopausal hormone fluctuations. That struggle is realer than I wanted it to be. LOL!

The ‘episode’ is mostly under control now, but I sit here and consider all the tools I have in my toolbox and how I STILL have weak moments when I feel super down. Then, think of all the millions of humans on this planet who struggle with depression and anxiety, coping in many different ways which leads me right back to the point of this post: managing the challenges of being an “empty nester”.  This is specially hard when it happens literally overnight with no preparation for what is getting ready to happen, no warning that the life you know is getting ready to change indefinitely. Parents, I know I’m not alone and neither are you.

YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID.

Your friends and family may not always know how to navigate you. Be prepared for it and find a support network who understands and can hold space for this unique feeling of loss. “Empty Nest” does have both challenges and opportunities, yes. Right now, I’m probably feeling challenged the most. Seasonal depression strikes most years and normally begins before my birthday in November. This year, I had some distractions that probably helped me feel less sad and I was looking forward to a trip to visit our daughter in the northeast. It wasn’t until I returned home that all the emotions caught up with me.

If you are struggling with the feelings of loneliness, isolation and/or grief this winter for any reason, please remember it’s okay to feel sad. The article linked above addresses these concerns specifically. And, your feelings are valid; feel them. Just don’t stay there too long. If you need help getting out of it, here are some things that are working for me:

• Call a friend, or pick up the phone when they are calling you
• Go for a walk
• Give your dog a bath
• Watch a funny movie
• Put on some uplifting music; I personally like the Hype Motivation auto-generated playlist on Spotify. 
• Journal
• Stretch or do an online yoga class
• Color, yes…like in a coloring book
• Listen to a positive podcast or audiobook
• What brings you joy?

Be easy on yourself. You’ve been living your life with others in mind, it’s time to get to know yourself. Spend some time alone, it doesn’t have to be sad, it can feel empowering to only answer to yourself. Invest in what you want to invest your energy into and take up space. Honestly, in the bigger picture, we are just mere parasites on this planet that’s hurling through space. We are truly tiny specks of stardust and the trivial aspects of today, like this craze about the Stanley cup, are just distracting us from what matters, internal peace of mind.

If I’ve helped just one person not feel so alone today, then I’m glad I chose to get vulnerable. If you also have an addiction-related story to share or just want to be heard/seen, please reach out.

Big virtual hug to you today.